Guest post written by Beth Rush of Body+Mind
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Being a stay-at-home mom is often described as the most rewarding job in the world — but behind the scenes, mothers face mounting stress, emotional fatigue and burnout. What is driving this increasing stress, and how can you and your partner navigate to better well-being?
How Stress Levels Are Rising Among Stay-at-Home Moms
Mothers employed beyond the family face their own significant challenges, and “mommy wars” debating which type of parent is worse off are harmful and divisive. However, research into stress and burnout among stay-at-home moms (SAHMs) and employed moms has shown that while both types are under great pressure, there are some differences.
- Stress levels: SAHMs experience significantly higher stress levels than mothers working for pay, possibly due to social isolation and the fact that employed mothers experience greater social acceptance.
- Burnout: SAHMs are also slightly more likely to experience burnout than those employed outside of the home.
- Depression and anxiety: SAHMs have a higher likelihood of developing depression or anxiety.
Following the COVID-19 pandemic, 31.6% of families are still adversely affected by financial insecurity, loss of support systems and higher levels of health anxiety. Parents of all kinds are struggling, but moms at home may be struggling most of all. This has given rise to what is commonly called the SAHM syndrome.
What Is the SAHM Syndrome?
This informal term is shorthand for the emotional and mental health challenges of being a home-based mom. It is a way of recognizing the burnout, isolation and depression that many feel. Why are stay-at-home moms so stressed?
Impossible Expectations
These days, most people understand that SAHMs are not effortlessly getting their nails done and sipping cocktails while immaculately dressed children play nicely in their spotless home. However, in some quarters, the outdated image of the stay-at-home mother having an easy life persists. The reality is that this is a relentless, never-ending physical, emotional and mental undertaking.
Social media is another stress factor here, with images of supposedly perfect mothers everywhere you look. SAHMs feel under pressure to compete with one another, and failure to live up to impossible expectations often leads to feelings of inadequacy.
Invisible Cognitive Load
SAHMs have invisible checklists in their heads that never go away and are never completed. It’s not just child care and housework, either. Moms manage the logistics of the entire household, often including their partner’s appointments or travel schedules. They have to be four steps ahead at all times, juggling constantly shifting priorities, emergencies, day-to-day events and long-term plans.
No “End of Day”
Many jobs are extremely demanding and pressurized, but the key difference for a SAHM is that there is no defined end of day. There is no clocking off time, no chance to leave the office or end your shift until tomorrow, and no lunch break. Parenting is a 24/7 responsibility with no paid time off, overtime, sick leave or promotions.
Even once your partner gets in from work, you’re not off duty. You might feel the need to cater to their needs, too, even in the most understanding and progressive relationships. The lack of off-time leads to chronic, ongoing stress and exhaustion.
Financial Dependence and Insecurity
Many at-home mothers feel that they should be grateful. They have the opportunity to stay home and be fully involved with their kids, but this usually comes at the cost of increased financial pressure on the working partner. Typically, SAHMs are well aware of this and feel that showing stress or asking for help is being ungrateful in some way.
Meanwhile, juggling the household budget on just one income is stressful in itself. Additionally, moms without a personal income may feel a loss of independence.
Lack of Societal Support
Primary at-home caregivers in the U.S. do not earn Social Security credits for years spent caring for children. This means they may have little or no benefit in their own name, further increasing reliance on a partner. In contrast, many countries, including Canada, the U.K., France, Germany and Sweden, provide pension credits for these years.
Additionally, the Child and Dependent Care tax credit is only available to families paying for child care, not for those with a full-time parent at home. The U.S. is also one of only six countries in the world that does not guarantee paid parental leave, making it harder for the working partner to support the mother. These structural inequalities further add to the stress that causes the SAHM syndrome.
Loss of Personal Identity
All stay-at-home moms were something else before they became mothers. They may have had a career of their own or cherished hobbies they no longer have time for. It’s not that you don’t love the identity of “mom” — just that there is often no time to reclaim even a small part of your own unique personhood. Being an at-home parent is all-consuming, and taking time out for yourself may feel selfish, not to mention being tricky on a practical level.
Social Isolation and Loneliness
Many home-based moms can go days without seeing anyone other than their children and their partner. Social interaction usually centers on the kids and their play dates and appointments, so most of their social contacts are other mothers.
While friendship with other parents is important, SAHMs often feel cut off from the adult world. When everything revolves around the kids, many miss professional or grown-up interactions where children are not the topic of conversation. While mothers enjoy being around their children, they also need and want to be part of the adult world.
How to Ease SAHM Syndrome
By understanding why stay-at-home moms are so stressed, families can identify ways to help lessen burnout and depression. Every parent is different, but if you are a full-time mother at home, here are some suggestions that may help.
Partner Support
Your partner is your ally and your co-parent. It is not unreasonable to reach out and ask for more support from them. If unequal division of labor is exhausting you, or if you feel unseen and unappreciated, say so.
Be direct and specific when asking for what you need. For example, you might ask your partner to take over bedtime routines on certain nights. It is in everyone’s interest for you to function well and happily, and you will probably find that your partner wants to help, but perhaps needs clear direction on what you need from them.
Self-Care
It may seem impossible to carve out time for yourself, and setting boundaries, especially with your children, can feel selfish or unreasonable. It isn’t. Depending on the ages of your kids, there will be periods when they are safe and occupied and during which you can grab some personal time.
The problem is, you probably instinctively use these periods to quickly run through some chores instead. However, on some days, it really is more important to chill out for 20 minutes instead of getting the dishes done there and then. Communicate with your partner about reasonable expectations and warn them not to expect a constantly pristine household.
Prioritizing Your Health
When you’re constantly on the go and increasingly exhausted, your health can suffer. Make it a priority to stay hydrated by aiming for at least 11 cups of water, milk or other fluids a day. Try some breathing exercises to calm your stress, or grab a comforting snack without feeling guilty about calories.
Stepping outside for a few minutes of fresh air can provide a mental reset, or you could try mindfulness meditation, which has been shown to help lower parental stress levels. Keeping a self-compassion journal can be helpful, such as jotting down kind thoughts about yourself. What works for each mom will be different, but if your well-being suffers, everyone suffers.
Reclaiming Your Identity
Aim to create at least one session a week where you can spend time without your children, preferably out of the house, doing something you love. Negotiate with your partner or extended family to make this happen, or set up a rotation with mom-friends to facilitate this for all of you.
During this precious time, think about reclaiming an old hobby you had to give up, working toward your fitness goals, pampering yourself or simply reconnecting with your non-mom social life. Having this regular oasis each week can go a long way toward combating ongoing stress during the rest of the week.
Additionally, carve out small 15-minute periods during the week where you can focus exclusively on one personal goal or hobby that lends itself to short bursts. Little and often is important in breaking up the heavy work of being a primary caregiver.
Lifting the Invisible Load
Stay-at-home moms are the backbone of countless families, yet their challenges often go unseen. If you are one of these family heroes, know that your well-being counts. It isn’t easy, but with your partner’s support, you can mitigate some of the stress and burnout you face. When you feel more valued and empowered and less alone on your journey, the whole family will benefit.

Beth is the family wellness editor at Body+Mind, a health and wellness brand. Her work centers around building healthy dynamics within families. She is raising her own family on plant-based recipes and mindful nutrition.
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